Childhood emotional abuse trauma+susceptibility to addiction?

Whether you love your mom or not isn't the issue. The issue is the trauma, traumas that you experienced as a child. What would help you is a correct diagnosis from a psychiatrist who is the specialist and possibly medication or just a referral to therapy. Unfortunately nobody on here can give you a diagnosis, but this seems to be something that is disrupting your life. That is when it is time to get some help.